So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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