Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
