I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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