i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
