I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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