dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
