Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
