It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
