she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
