____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
