it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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