"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
