It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's never too late to be topless.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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