i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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