I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
