Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
