I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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