Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
