i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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