I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
