she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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