Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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