My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
