Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
