the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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