he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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