hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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