I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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