all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
