so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
