Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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