It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
