What a fucking waste of an outfit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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