the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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