I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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