yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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