$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
