Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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