i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
