Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
