I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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