last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
