Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
