As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
