She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize