woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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