mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
