Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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