I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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