Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
