dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
