Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
