you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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