there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
