So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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