I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize