I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
