Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
