My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
