I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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