We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
then he tried to convert me to islam
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
