A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
