never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
