Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
