The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize