oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
