You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
