it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
