JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
